I Know The Reason

I know why I suffered so much. Since I born, my mum first job salary just only RM280 and my father is RM500. I know that time money is big. But if RM280 deduct RM150 for parent then the balance is RM130. RM130 + RM500 = RM630 how to feed a baby?? Is it enough?? When I was 4 years old, my dad already resign. Already 17 years my dad are not working. Who can earn money for my studies fees?? All is my mum... I know the reason is she borrow a lots of money from relatives to pay my studies fees. My mum know what are the minimum qualification for looking a job. That's why she let me study Diploma. During my studies my mum don't have money to pay my studies. Do you know how she collect money?? Everyday she take bread or fried rice for her lunch. She told me that her lunch everyday is RM2 not more than that. Each day of our living we hope that we can win a big pot money from some 4D number. That is what we hope. However we need to work hard to earn more money. I know how suffered my mum have. That's why I go down to KL for training. After training session I need to find a job that have high salary. I need that to pay my mum back. Because she pay a lots to me for my studies from kindergarden until College times. Now I know why my relatives are look down on me. Because my mum lend a lots of money from them. Now, they treat me like useless people. Whatever I'm doing right also, they think I'm wasting time. Do you know how pity of my mum??? Whatever I do they think I do what I like. I give an example: Changing my image. Do you all know the reason I'm changing my image from lady to man?? Because I help my mum to budget. Think about it. If a shirt(for man) cost you RM34.90 rather than RM89.90 (for lady), which one you choose?? RM34.90 and RM89.90 are very big different. You need to pay RM55.00 for ladies shirt... Do you all think that I like to change to man images??? Actually I don't like. Because of budget then only I changed. Many of my relatives feel very shy to bring me out because they think about their friend may ask why your niece want to changed into man style. Because of that they look down on me. Example 2: Come down to KL for training. My relatives thinks that my training cost is my mum pay for me. They didn't ask me then direct scold my mum that what course she taking?? How much you need to pay?? Worth it or not?? Is it necessary?? How long the duration of training?? They also tell my mum that I can earning money with Diploma Certificate. But do you think that with Diploma certificate easily to get job? I don't think so. I work before I know. Do you all know what are my position for my first job?? Inventory Control Clerk only. How much experience you can learn from that?? Between that my relatives also say that I have high qualification but work as Inventory Clerk. So stupid!!! This is the answer that I get from them. Do you all know how I feel from small until now??? All is full of sadness... I'm not happy to live in this world. If I'm not born in this world may be my mum not that suffered... I really pity of my mum.... She is the best mum in my heart.... FOREVER!!!!!!